He looks surprised and she wonders if he'd guessed the original direction of her question - did anyone discuss the Harrowing? It'd be a familiar framework with a mage, and it's a secret, but she wonders what the Wardens do with such prior secrets.
But Blackwall's answer is a vague one, seemingly designed to keep privacy. As grateful as she is for the sometimes, for the way he keeps talking, she's not sure how to start. How to explain.
Except... if anyone won't flinch at what demons can do, it'd be a Grey Warden.
"The time. Hmm. Well, you know when Envy, as the Lord Seeker, grabbed me? And hauled me forwards? Then I headbutted him, it? The moment between that, we were in my head. My mind. It was trying to trick me, to frighten me. To do so, it...
Rifled through me. Demons do that, sometimes. They look at you and take ugly things, or show you ugly things, to get what they want. It showed me what it would do as me, except all the things it showed, they are all things I could do. If I was that cruel, or if I lost my way that badly.
I believe that I am not that person, that I refuse to do those things. But so much of what I've been building feels tainted. Now."
Ginevra looks at him. She doesn't try and hold his gaze, doesn't try and demand anything from him. But she looks and she forces herself to look, until she can't. Until she blinks, and her intense, pale green eyes look out over the snow-capped rocks next to the lake.
"It'll pass," she says, softly. "Mostly, it'll pass. I've had demons do things like that before," but she can hear the note of defensiveness in her voice. I can handle it, no one has to kill me, no one has to turn me Tranquil, I'm good enough to stay me. Blackwall doesn't deserve that, although it's one of the reasons she hasn't known who to talk to.
She doesn't say, and I'm still scared. It feels like an admission, a dangerous one.
But so much of her just wants to reach out, to be told it'll all be okay. It be held.
no subject
But Blackwall's answer is a vague one, seemingly designed to keep privacy. As grateful as she is for the sometimes, for the way he keeps talking, she's not sure how to start. How to explain.
Except... if anyone won't flinch at what demons can do, it'd be a Grey Warden.
"The time. Hmm. Well, you know when Envy, as the Lord Seeker, grabbed me? And hauled me forwards? Then I headbutted him, it? The moment between that, we were in my head. My mind. It was trying to trick me, to frighten me. To do so, it...
Rifled through me. Demons do that, sometimes. They look at you and take ugly things, or show you ugly things, to get what they want. It showed me what it would do as me, except all the things it showed, they are all things I could do. If I was that cruel, or if I lost my way that badly.
I believe that I am not that person, that I refuse to do those things. But so much of what I've been building feels tainted. Now."
Ginevra looks at him. She doesn't try and hold his gaze, doesn't try and demand anything from him. But she looks and she forces herself to look, until she can't. Until she blinks, and her intense, pale green eyes look out over the snow-capped rocks next to the lake.
"It'll pass," she says, softly. "Mostly, it'll pass. I've had demons do things like that before," but she can hear the note of defensiveness in her voice. I can handle it, no one has to kill me, no one has to turn me Tranquil, I'm good enough to stay me. Blackwall doesn't deserve that, although it's one of the reasons she hasn't known who to talk to.
She doesn't say, and I'm still scared. It feels like an admission, a dangerous one.
But so much of her just wants to reach out, to be told it'll all be okay. It be held.